I want a Birkin

"I want a Birkin!" I say to the Universe.


 I've been reading "The Secret" lately, and I am sure the Universe is going to provide it. I mean, that's what the book says. You need to think about it, visualize it, feel it in your mind, create the correct vibes and you will get it.


"35cm Croc Birkin, please, Universe!"
Universe:
"What is that?"
Me
"It's a bag. Hermes Birkin, how you can possibly not know? Named after the French actress Jane Birkin. I am sure you knew that."

Jane Birkin, here with Serge.

Universe
"Not really. I don't have many people asking me for bags. They normally want money."
Me
"Oh well, yes, that too... but you know, there is a waiting list, or there was a waiting list... still, it's hard to get. I want a Birkin. Please, Universe?"
Universe:
"Why? Give me a good reason for your Birkin and you shall have one."
Me:
"Well, it's the most desirable bag in the world. I will look good carrying one. Everybody will envy me... Well, I guess that's all. I just want one. There are women that have hundreds... why can't I just have one. It will make me feel so much better. I will be happy."
Universe:
"Ok, here is your bag."


OMG, the Secret really works. No wonder it got sold in so many copies... I wonder if it works every day. 

The bag appeared, in its orange box. The dust bag wasn't orange... I wonder why. It was a beauty. It was just like in my dreams.

 Me
"Hello?"
Birkin 
"Bonjour... Comment ca va?"
Me
"I don't speak French..."
Birkin
"Of course you don't. Do you have other Croc Birkins to keep me company? I don't want to hang out with a Kelly."
Me
"No, I am sorry."
Birkin
"Am I your first Croc? Mais, quelle joie!!"
Me
"I don't..."
Birkin
"Yes, you don't understand. Tres bien, I will hang out with a leather Birkin then. Even I don't like to do this. But I need company."
Me
"I am sorry, I don't have other Birkins. Or Kellys... Or any other Hermes anything..."
Birkin
"Je ne comprend pas... Je suis... seule?? Alone??"~ she starts crying.
Me
"I have a Hermes perfume. Would that work for you? And a Louis Vuitton wallet..."
Birkin
"No, no no. Don't pronounce the LV name, I hate them! Logos everywhere, look at me, look at me!!~mocking the Louis Vuitton~ look at me, I am a LV. Me, Birkin, I have a waiting list, you know. 6 years at a certain moment in time. Don't mention LV again, or I will have a heart attack!"
Me
"I am sorry".
Birkin
"I don't know why the Universe sent me to you."
Me
" I didn't know you are so... temperamental. I just wanted a Birkin bag."
Birkin
"Where do you live? Where am I?"
Me
"Los Angeles."
Birkin
"Victoria Beckham lives here also. She has so many Crocs. I demand you send me to her, immediately. I won't stay here, in a house with a LV wallet and a Hermes perfume. I need to be surrounded by luxury... I am not comfortable otherwise, I will die before my time. Please. Please!" she starts crying again.
Me
"Ok, ok, stop crying. I don't want to keep you hostage. I will send you to Victoria Beckham. But there will be so many of you there, you won't be special. Don't you care about that?"
Birkin
" No! Not at all. "


I found out a way to give her to Victoria. I mean, we live in the same town.

Victoria

  And yes, how about the Crocodile? I didn't know Hermes is breeding their own crocodiles to produce these bags, when I asked the Universe for one. How does it feel, to live in captivity for the sole purpose of becoming a Hermes bag at the end of your life? I know that carrying a Croc Hermes makes you a superior human being, and when you are so rich tp pay $30,000 for a bag I am sure you are giving enough to charity and make enough good deeds to have a good  Karma for your next life when... who knows, you or Victoria Beckham might come back as a crocodile that was born on an Hermes farm.

The Crocodile

Quote of the day

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."~ Oscar Wilde